It’s easier than ever to come up with the perfect drinking quote with this list. How many times have you needed a drinking caption for your Instagram, a craft project, or your best friend’s birthday card? Well, the struggle is over, because it’s easier than ever to come up with just the right thing to say with these drinking quotes.
But wait, there’s more! This list also contains tips for how to use these quotes to make your birthday cards extra special or craft the perfect toast for that special occasion.
If you’re looking for more specific types of drinking captions, check out these Wine Captions for Instagram, these Champagne Captions, and these Halloween Wine Captions, and Fall Wine Captions!
Drinking Quotes from Your Favorite TV Shows & Movies
Some of the best drinking quotes are one liners from your favorite television shows and movies.
- “As long as there’s champagne, darlings, the rest can go to hell.” – Patsy Stone, Ab Fab
- “Sometimes the only way to make the world bearable is to get a little lit in it.” – Liz Lemon, 30 Rock
- “A toast to the girls who are strong enough to carry on, the ones who get knocked down and get back up again… to the survivors.” – Carrie Bradshaw, Sex and the City
- “Forget the wine, bring me a bucket of tequila, hold the lime.” – Liz Torres, Ugly Betty
Raise your hand if you’ve ever needed a drinking quote for this mood!
- “Champagne for my real friends, real pain for my sham friends.” – Lorelai Gilmore, Gilmore Girls
- “Beer: the cause of and solution to all of life’s problems.” – Homer Simpson, The Simpsons
- “Sometimes you just need a glass of wine and a good cry.” – Miranda Hobbes, Sex and the City
- “I’m not sure what’s more tragic, the depth of my despair or the fact that I’m drowning it in Chardonnay.” – Eleanor Shellstrop, The Good Place
- “A bottle of wine is as good a companion as you’ll find.” – Elizabeth Bennet, Pride and Prejudice
- “Vodka? Is that Russian for ‘liquid courage’?” – Chandler Bing, Friends
- “Wine is sunshine in a bottle.” – David Mitchell, Up in the Air
- “Wine with breakfast? Champagne with breakfast? Well, I guess I could, but it’s a little early.” – Samantha Jones, Sex and the City
You can always count on Samantha Jones for a great Champagne caption.
- “I need a drink. Alcohol. Hard.” – Emily, Gilmore Girls
Sometimes the simplest drinking captions are the best!
- “I would like a tab, a la carte. Champagne, wine, whatever you have that’s cold and lethal.” – Karen Walker, Will & Grace
- “I’ve done some thinking and I’m gonna need a bottle of tequila.” – Ron Swanson, Parks and Recreation
- “I’ll have a nectar margarita. No salt, sugar or artificial flavors. No ice, no shaker. I want it room temperature, heavy on the nectar.” – Pam, The Office
- “There’s a special rung in hell for people who waste a good scotch.” – Lt. Archie Hicox, Inglorious Bastards
- “Hearts, emotions, champagne. And what an odd choice for a nightcap. And, oh my, the hangover. Oh, that hangover.” – Liz Lemon, 30 Rock
- “I’m not a great drinker, but I’ve been hammered a time or two.” – 30 Rock
- “I only drink to make other people more interesting.” – Frasier
- “You know what’s better than cocktail hour? A solid 8 hours of day drinking.” – The Mindy Project
- “Life is a drink, and love’s a drug.” – Mad Men
- “I’m gonna call this one the ‘Panic Attack’ because we’re running out of vodka.” – Parks and Recreation
- “To the friends we love, the battles we fight, and the wine we drink to forget them all.” – Friends
- “Here’s to the nights that turned into mornings, and the friends that turned into family.”
A heartwarming drinking caption for nights with friends.
- “Happy hour is the adult version of recess.” – Leslie Knope, Parks and Recreation
- “That’s what I do. I drink and I know things.” Tyrion Lannister, Game of Thrones
Sassy Drinking Quotes
- “Of course it’s allowed. It’s a staple of the Vegas diet. Champagne fountains and cabana boys.” – Monica Geller, Friends
- “I’m the wine mom, not the fun mom.” – Christina, Dead to Me
- “I enjoy a glass of wine each night for its health benefits. The rest of the bottle is for my witty comebacks and flawless dance moves.” – Olivia Pope, Scandal
- “The last mosquito that bit me had to check into AA.” Will & Grace
- “Four saunas, three steam baths, Olympic-sized pool and you’re telling me there’s no alcohol? What the hell are we supposed to do for two days?” – Lucille Bluth, Arrested Development
- “You know what? I’ll have a glass of your most expensive wine. The reason? Because I can.” – Lucille Bluth, Arrested Development
A sassy and classy wine quote!
- “I distrust camels, and anyone else who can go a week without a drink.” – Joe E. Ellis
Witty Quotes about Cocktails & Drinking
What do Chelsea Handler, Ernest Hemingway, and Oscar Wilde have in common? They all have some amazing quotes about drinking!
- “We were not a hugging people. In terms of emotional comfort it was our belief that no amount of physical contact could match the healing powers of a well made cocktail.” ― David Sedaris, Naked
- “Darling, when things go wrong in life, you lift your chin, put on a ravishing smile, mix yourself a little cocktail…” ― Sophie Kinsella
- “I drink to make other people more interesting.” ― Hemingway, Ernest
Maybe the truest drinking quote on this list!
- “Candy is dandy, but liquor is quicker.” ― Ogden Nash, Hard Lines
- “Always do sober what you said you’d do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut.” ― Ernest Hemingway
- “Here’s to alcohol, the rose colored glasses of life.” ― F. Scott Fitzgerald, The Beautiful and Damned
- “In wine there is wisdom, in beer there is Freedom, in water there is bacteria.” ― Benjamin Franklin
- “First you take a drink, then the drink takes a drink, then the drink takes you.” ― F. Scott Fitzgerald
- “I like to have a martini,
Two at the very most.
After three I’m under the table,
after four I’m under my host.” ― Dorothy Parker, The Collected Dorothy Parker
- “Alcohol may be man’s worst enemy, but the bible says love your enemy.” ― Frank Sinatra
- “There are two kinds of people I don’t trust: people who don’t drink and people who collect stickers.” ― Chelsea Handler, My Horizontal Life: A Collection of One-Night Stands
- “An intelligent man is sometimes forced to be drunk to spend time with his fools.” ― Ernest Hemingway
- “Good people drink good beer.” ― Hunter S. Thompson, Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas
- “I thought such awful thoughts that I cannot even say them out loud because they would make Jesus want to drink gin straight out of the cat dish.” ― Anne Lamott
- “I began to think vodka was my drink at last. It didn’t taste like anything, but it went straight down into my stomach like a sword swallowers’ sword and made me feel powerful and godlike.” ― Sylvia Plath, The Bell Jar
- “I went out with a guy who once told me I didn’t need to drink to make myself more fun to be around. I told him, I’m drinking so that you’re more fun to be around.” ― Chelsea Handler, Are You There, Vodka? It’s Me, Chelsea
Chelsea Handler is the queen of funny drinking drinking quotes!
- “Wine is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy.” – Benjamin Franklin (Wine)
- “Oh, you hate your job? Why didn’t you say so? There’s a support group for that. It’s called EVERYBODY, and they meet at the bar.” ― Drew Carey
- “After the first glass, you see things as you wish they were. After the second, you see things as they are not. Finally, you see things as they really are, and that is the most horrible thing in the world.” ― Oscar Wilde
- “Everybody’s got to believe in something. I believe I’ll have another beer.” ― W.C. Fields
- “You can learn a lot about a woman by getting smashed with her.” ― Tom Waits
- “There was a kindliness about intoxication – there was that indescribable gloss and glamour it gave, like the memories of ephemeral and faded evenings.” ― F. Scott Fitzgerald, The Beautiful and Damned
- My therapist said I should confront my problems. So I poured myself a glass of wine and there they are, staring back at me.”
Drinking Puns
A funny drinking pun can turn a meh Instagram caption into a marvelous one!
- “I’m not a wine expert, but I’m pretty grape at drinking it!”
- “I’m not a gin-ius, but I know my way around a good cocktail.”
- “I’m a real ale-chemist when it comes to mixing drinks.”
- “I’m not a whiskey business, I just love a good dram.”
- “Some days you’re the glass half empty, some days you’re the glass half full – either way, we’re all getting poured into something!”
- “I don’t always tell drinking puns, but when I do, I’m gin-erally tequila’d with laughter.”
- “I’m not boozing, I’m just improving my cocktail balance.”
- “I like my puns like I like my drinks: on the rocks!”
Tips
- Use these drinking quotes and captions on birthday cards to your friends to make your card extra special.
- Memorize your favorite drinking quote to use during a toast.
- Write each drinking caption on a small piece of paper or mini card and place them in gift bags at your bachelorette party.Add a special touch like, “This drinking quote is totally you!”